Motherhood & Lonliness
Have you ever felt lonely since being a mother? I mean, what is it about motherhood that causes women to feel a sense of loneliness even though we’re not really alone? Personally, it took me some time to realize that my desire to be the best mom that I could be, caused me to unintentionally isolate myself from friends and loved ones at times. It started out where I just preferred to be home with my kiddos spending quality time together to me feeling drained and taking any moment I could to simply relax. Essentially, that led to me feeling overwhelmed which caused me to have anxiety because I felt like the people or person who should understand the most, just didn’t. I had a lot on my plate. I never had enough time. I felt like life was escaping me and that I was a hard pill to swallow.
When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, I had my first panic attack. It completely freaked me out and had me feeling like I was falling apart. I was driving and had to pull over because despite how many deep breaths I had taken, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling uncontrollably down my face or control my breathing back to a normal state. I let it out and then felt better. It didn’t happen again until years later when I was pregnant with my youngest. Since it happened before, I could control it better and I did. Fast forward to a year ago, anxiety is back and more forceful than before. It was happening often. I felt out of control in my head and I hated it. Some days I could take a moment to myself and regroup. Other days, it seemed like there was no hope.
Why was it happening so much now? I was overwhelmed and lonely. Although, I had family and friends that I could reach out to, I couldn’t. I was embarrassed because I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. What was wrong with me? I forgot to breath. I forgot that although I felt like superwoman at times, I really had no superpowers and I was now powerless. How do I regain my power and get back to the mom my kids needed me to be? I had to remember to breathe and consciously choose to breath even when I felt like there was no air for me to breathe in. I began to listen to my body, who always let me know when I needed a break, although I didn’t always listen. I realized that if I didn’t focus on myself and my needs, I would be no good for my children. That I could only give them what I had but if I was worn down, there would be nothing left to give. I had to pick myself up and allow my children to be the motivation I needed to see the beauty in all things and know that despite what I go through I am not alone.
Motherhood is hard but it doesn’t have to be lonely. I started opening up more and talking to other moms who had some similar experiences. I felt better. Maybe I am the only one in my circle who has ever felt like this, maybe not. However, knowing that I’m not alone and that there are mothers all around the world who understands this dreadful feeling of loneliness, makes this journey that much easier. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone in order to take care of you. “Sometimes, you just need a break. In a beautiful place. Alone. To figure everything out” (Author unknown). Where is your beautiful place?
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